Why I Like Skirts

I only own two - no, three - dresses, and I haven't worn any of them in over a year. Today I realized why. I have a cute polka dot brown dress that I decided I was in the mood to wear. I got the dress out of my closet and threw it on headfirst, arms second. Or at least that's how it was supposed to go. I couldn't get my arms in through the arm holes. So I took it off and tried the arms first, head second method. This was even more of a struggle, and now I was caught, my arms inside the armholes but my head smooshed inside the chest of the dress with no way to come out. Did I remember to unzip the side? Yes, I did. Have I gained that much weight since I last wore it? I tried to hope not. I peeled it off, and by this time my hair was a frizzy mess. I decided to try the "step into the dress" method. But this was no good either! My darn hips were too much for the narrow waist of the dress. Exhausted, but determined (mostly because I didn't have a backup outfit), I decided to try the headfirst method again. I experienced the same problems as before. All of a sudden a thought occured to me. The sash in the middle of the dress, while undone, was still cinched tightly enough that I couldn't get my head and arms through. It was the sash all along! The relief that I could fit into the dress was almost overwhelming - especially since the seam by the zipper had been torn a bit by my struggle. Everything was cool until I caught a glimpse of myself in the door window leaving my house for church - turns out the buttons were placed low enough that at certain angles I was giving everyone a free show. Up the stairs I went to peel off the dress once again and put on an underpinning, then put the dress back on. This went much smoother this time. I think I've got this dress thing down pat!