The Front Tuck - or "Fruck"

Open Memo to All Who Practice the "Front Tuck"

From: Kristen

Please select one:

a. In

b. Out

Note that there is no option "c"

Songs of Summer

Last week a co-worker asked if I had heard the song by the New Kids on the Block, “Summertime”. She said that she liked it. I said that I wasn’t really a fan. It's a little slower than I like and, really, the New Kids coming back?? When I think of the song, “Summertime”, it’s got to be the version by Will Smith . . . aka DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. That song makes you feel like you should be out of school and hanging out in the sun. So I started thinking of other favorite songs that remind me of summer.

First up it has to be Bananarama’s “Cruel Summer”. Hey, I am a child of the 80's and there is nothing better than the hook that gets you going at the start of the song.

Then there is “Vacation” by the Go Go’s. You get the urge to go somewhere right from this. And you’ve got to love Belinda Carlisle! That and “Our Lips Are Sealed” are classics.

An old school favorite that I love in conjuction with a 4th of July fireworks show is “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood. You feel so patriotic with this song. Not to mention my nieces and nephews can belt it out word for word when we’re driving in the car.

And then most recently a favorite summer song is “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce’. What are some of your favorite summer songs. -Julie

Zippity Do Da

First of all, this is not a picture of me or my child. Secondly, I have a new favorite activity. So my family and I have loved going to the Alpine Slide for years. Much like Maverick and Goose, we feel the need for speed, and love being able to shoosh down the mountain. It's my way of communing with nature without having to go camping. As a result, each one of us has various scars and wounds from toppling over after going too fast. I had to take a year off from ridingi when I was 8 to get over some emotional scarring after a particularly nasty spill. And if you ever want to see a Bird family member lose their temper, sit in front of us on the slide and go slow. There is nothing more frustrating than screaming around the corner and seeing some slow poke meandering down and ruining your ride.

I hadn't ridden the slide in awhile, and headed up on Fridee with Julie and Kristen to take a spin. Julie had told us about a new attraction called the zip coaster that she swore was better than the slide, but I didn't buy it. Luckily, they had a combo pass where we could do the slide and the coaster. We started off on the slide, and Julie grabbed a sled called Wolverine, which led us to believe that we would have a fast ride. Sadly, this was not the case. It was so slow! I was flooring it, and I was not moving, and hitting the tires was not an option. Boo!

So then we rode the zip coaster, and I tell you what, it was a good time! We each got our own sled, but you have to provide your own child should you want to ride with one. You are automatically moved up the mountain, and then you turn the corner, and you are off. The beautiful thing is that you can go as fast as you want, and you can't fall off. This is especially exciting so that we don't have to worry about fiber glass burns, or slow riders in front of us. I loved it, and I didn't lose my temper once! So should you find yourself at the Park City Mountain Resort, you must ride it, and take me with you!

Beat The Clown!!

For the last three years as I've tranformed from a couch potato to a recreational runner (not to be confused with a "real" runner; I still don't consider myself that), I've run the Deseret News 10K on July 24. This race is a good time because it's mostly downhill and runs right along the parade route.

My first year, 6.2 miles was the farthest I'd ever run. It was so blasted hot, and at the last water station they RAN OUT OF WATER. The person right in front of me got water, and I didn't. I. Was. Dying. But I made it. Afterwards I could hardly walk for a week.

The second year was better - I knew more of what to expect, got water, and improved my time. The only hiccup? Catching the shuttles afterwards back to the starting line! There were three lines for shuttles, and the buses never stopped in my line. I thought there was going to be an all-out riot by our line every time a bus passed us. Eventually we got on a shuttle, shared with 50 other sweaty people, and got to our car. But have you ever tried to turn left onto Foothill Drive while a marathon is going on? I swear it took us almost as long to go home from the race than it did to run it.

This year I've finally figured out the race. I got a ride to the start line and had my cute dad pick me up at the end, thus avoiding the smelly shuttles. I also got the best time I've ever gotten, beating my last year's time by about 5 minutes!

I'm a VERY competitive person, but I try to keep it under wraps most of the time. When people pass me, I have to remind myself that I need to stick to my pace and not try to pass them back. Like when the SPEED WALKER passed me. Yep, that was demoralizing. So with about a mile to go, a woman dressed as a clown passes me up. I catch up to her, she passes me - I can never quite pass her. On the final stretch, I see her up ahead of me and I distinctly thought to myself, "You're going down, clown!" I didn't think I had anything left in me, but somehow I picked up the pace and left her in my dust. Yes, folks, I beat the clown. On this Pioneer Day, I thank you, Madame Clown, for giving me the adrenaline I needed to finish the race on a high.

Dentist = Torture

At some point during each visit to the dentist, during the middle of my teeth cleaning, I swear to myself I'm never going back to the dentist, ever. Today, in the middle of a cleaning, I actually thought to myself, I don't care if all my teeth fall out and I have to get dentures. I just want this to stop!! Going to the dentist is akin to what I think it would be like to be tortured. I like my actual dentist. But the teeth cleanings have got to go. I consider myself unusual in that I accumulate tartar at what I feel is an abnormally high rate. I brush twice and day and floss every night. Yet each time, towards the end of a cleaning, the dental hygienist will ask me if I floss at all. “Because,” said the one today, “you have a lot of tartar build-up, and we kind of go through this every time.” That's the nice way of saying they dread my visits. I also bleed a lot and have large amounts of saliva, which increases the time it takes to clean my teeth because they constantly have to stop and vacuum me out. Today I had saliva dripping down the side of my mouth. You just can't have any dignity. I spent almost an hour just for the cleaning today, and I'm pretty sure it's no picnic for both parties. Bring on the dentures!

RIP, Estelle Getty

Was it something I said? Not three days after my post about how the Golden Girls were all (happily) alive, Estelle Getty has passed. Though she went on to make such films as "Stop, or My Mom Will Shoot," starring Sly Stallone, I prefer to remember her work as the sarcastic and saucy Sophia on the Golden Girls. So long, Estelle. And thanks for the good times.

Tale of Two Shoes

So, I’m sitting in my morning meeting, legs crossed and bouncing my feet. All of a sudden I look down and realize that I have two completely different shoes on! I was trying to remember what happened. I have about 10 pairs of shoes right near the garage so I can just put on my shoes and go. I try to keep the same ones grouped together so it’s that easy. And with my toes nicely polished, I love to wear open-toed shoes. At least I had chosen two sandals, but no wonder they felt a little weird with two slightly different heel heights. Take the following quiz to see what I decided to do . . .

A. Stay with two different shoes the rest of the day

B. Thoughts of running home to change my shoes actually crossed my mind

C. Buy a new pair of matching shoes

Hmmm . . . which option did I choose .

Dead or Alive???

Back Story: Occasionally my knowledge of pop culture puts me in situations where I spill too much of it and I feel awkward because no one knows what I'm talking about. Case in point: the other day someone made a joke about liking the Golden Girls - so I asked which was their favorite and started naming them. Their real names. Yep, I know 'em all. The response from the group? Silence. I've said too much.

The point of this story is that thinking about the Golden Girls got me wondering. Is Bea Arthur (Dorothy) still alive? I checked one of my favorite websites, deadoraliveinfo.com and verfied the happy news that Bea is going strong at 86! You'll also be pleased to know that all the other Golden Girls are alive and well, including Estelle Getty (who played Bea Arthur's mother, Sofia, and is actually two years younger than Bea!!).

Another celebrity you might be surprised is still alive? Robert Loggia, aka the boss in the piano scene in "Big" and Angelo in "Return to Me." He's a spry 78!

The mother of all celebrities you're probably surprised is still alive, though, is Phyllis Diller! She is still kicking at 91!!! You think it's a safe bet that she will be the next celebrity to go. But this feisty dame has outlasted Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, Heath Ledger, James Brown, and countless other celebrities who are, as Melinda and I say, "no longer with us." Phyllis, you are an inspiration to us all.

The Best Movie You've Never Seen

Who here has seen "Defending Your Life?" (Julie and Melinda, put your hands down) Yep, prettymuch just the three of us. This movie is a hidden gem. Albert Brooks plays a man who dies prematurely and goes to Judgment City, where he watches movies of his life and judges determine whether or not he will "move forward." Besides being really, really funny, the movie also shares some of my ideas about what that "stopover point" after death will be like: you can eat all you want and never gain weight, and there's miniature golf and bowling. Plus, they show a highlight reel of all the stupid stuff our boy Albert has done. Sometimes when I do stupid stuff, I picture it going in my highlight reel.

While he's going through all this, he meets and falls in love with - of all people - Meryl Streep! Will they be able to stay together? What if one moves on while the other stays behind?

So, the next time you're trying to decide what to rent, pass on "The Wedding Planner" or anything with J. Lo, and pick up this little jewel. You won't be sorry!

I Heart Coca Cola!

There is not much I love more in the mornings than a nice cold can of Coke. I walk into the office with my quarters in hand and head straight to the vending machine to retrieve my icy cold beverage and then directly to my morning meeting. One day in the meeting, the head of Construction asked if I was okay. I thought I was fine and then he asked where my Coke was. I said that I was running late and didn't have time to stop, so I didn't get one. He didn't want me to miss out on it so he contributed $1 to the cause. I was touched! Another time, my boss was busy and couldn't go out to lunch with some out of town guests so I was nominated to go and entertain them. They are very high maintenance people . . . the type where you are worn out after being with them for a long period of time. When I called him after the lunch, I informed him that he owed me big time for doing that (I swear he just didn't want to go; he wasn't really "busy"). The next day, at my seat in the conference room for our daily meeting, was a little bag filled to the brim with quarters for my daily addition. Now, that's love. These boys definitely know the way to my heart. So, with that background, imagine my delight when I see the billboard's for McDonald's Extra Large drink for only $0.99!! McDonald's Coke is much better than the canned version. If I leave myself enough time in the morning, for $1.07 (with the tax), I can drive through and get this delicious drink and it gets my morning started off right! Yummmm!!!! Love, Julie

Check please

I am not one of those superpicky people when I go to a restaurant. I rarely change my order, (with the exception of removing any and all tomatoes), I never send my food back, and I am usually a generous tipper. (This is based on the Los Hermanos incident of 1998--ask Julie) All I really ask is that the server give me between 1-4 drink refills, answer any questions I may have, and occasionally wink at me if he is a man.

This weekend, I went to two restaurants that have treated me well in the past, but not so much this time. On Friday, I walked in and found that my favorite menu item had been removed. So we asked the server if it was still on the menu, and if we could still order it. His response was, "No and no." Um, okay. He then proceeded to give us the silent treatment and plunked down my single drink refill without a word and walked away. He did the same thing with the bill. So, since he didn't even try to earn a tip, I wasn't going to give him one. I ended up tipping $1, which I NEVER do. But I felt it was a) deserved, and 2) time to teach him a lesson. You work in the service industry, sir, and if I have to be nice to cranky people all day at work, then the least you can do is flirt with me, and bring me another Dr. Pepper!

So Saturday, I went to an old stand-by, and we were immediately seated in the bar, which is one of my pet peeves. The reason the bar is always available is because the server/bartender ignores you if you order food rather than booze. So when we sat down, our server was sitting at the bar talking to the bartender, and he turned to see that we were seated, and actually rolled his eyes. Oh no you didn't! This fool at least gave me a couple of refills, and spoke around 12 words to us, but he couldn't wait for us to leave. So he earned $2 from me, but I wasn't happy about it.

Because I am a forgiving soul, I will be strong and continue to go out to eat. And to any server that will give me ample refills and the occasional smile, you will be handsomely rewarded!

I Love the 80's

Last week as I was talking with my cute Laurels, we were talking about how much they LOVE to dance. I asked if they had ever seen that scene in “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” (a classic that I am proud to own!) where Sarah Jessica Parker is in school and talking about how much she loves to dance and it sounded just like them. They had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Who doesn’t know the classic scene with her and Jeff Moline strutting their stuff to, “Dancing in Heaven”?!? Say it with me know, "Slow . . . slow . . . quick, quick . . . slow!" Deprived childhoods for sure. It made us all want to be on “Dance TV”.

Another 80's movie classic that I love is Footloose. It was so exciting when it came out because it had been filmed in Utah. Now when I tell people how to get to my house, the instructions are to take the Lehi Roller Mills exit that is prominently featured in the movie with that hunky Ren McCormick. And thus began my love of Kevin Bacon. Just try and test Melinda and I on some of memorable quotes from that movie.

Dear Brooke . . .

Dear Brooke,

What do I have to do to get a comment from you?

Love, Julie

What's Your Font??

Some people are straight-up Arial people; some never venture from Times New Roman. Ladies in the office usually mix tihngs up with a Comic Sans (rebels!). And heaven forbid those people who use a Courier New!! I know Julie has strong feelings in favor of cute fonts. So I'm asking - what fonts define you? What do you find yourself using all the time?



I have subdivided my answer into two categories:

• "Work Kristen" uses Arial at the office; mostly because that's what my boss wants. For other things, I'm a big fan of Trebuchet (pictured) - it has a little bit of sass, but is still professional enough for the office.
• "Casual Kristen" uses Futura or Human for personal documents. They're cute, but still clean and readable. I also like Technical.

Now you go!!

Chores Galore!

I was doing my laundry today, which is something I absolutely hate to do, when I was struck by the fact that there is actually one thing about laundry I don't mind. Yes, friends, I like to be the one to take the lint out of the dryer! I get a little bit excited when there's a lot of it built up that I can ball up and throw away. I imagine this is akin to the feeling some people get when they're about to pop a really large zit.
I also like the varying color and shades of the lint. For some reason, I find this little mundane chore surprisingly interesting. Other chores I don't mind doing include washing the dishes, washing sinks, and vacuuming. What about you - what are the chores you really don't mind?

Julie and Her Five Guys

Made you look, right?? Melinda and I went and tried a new restaurant tonight . . . Five Guys Burgers and Fries. I had been seeing billboards on my daily commute for this new Zagat rated joint, so we decided to give it a try. The Midvale Family Center area is jumping now that they have replaced the old Mervyn's with DSW Shoes, Pei Wei and now this little delight. Their burgers and fries were delicious . . . and to the surprise of no one . . . I am still extremely FULL! We have a couple of tips after our first visit we thought were worth sharing. Tip #1: Get the little burgers. There is a section for regular burgers, but they are huge and the little ones are actually a real size. Both of us got the bacon cheeseburger and the bacon was yummy and crisp. Another of our favorite things . . . everything is better with bacon. Tip #2: Share the fries! As rookies, we each got our own order . . . big mistake. The order of fries comes in a cup and spills over into your bag. We each probably had about 3 potatoes worth of fries. They could have fed a small family and sadly I didn't even touch the surface. Share the massive amount of fries and split the cost. Tip #3: This place also has boxes of peanuts that you can sit and shell yourself. We didn't do this, but we could tell by how often they had to clean the floor, this was a popular feature. You can tell by the crowd that everyone loves a new restaurant. You'll have to give it a try and see what you think.

I Don't Have a Square to Spare!

The restrooms at my office are located outside the main office, which means that there is one set of restrooms for every floor. For a total of three stalls apiece. For over 100 women. This means that we have to share the facilities with every other leasee on our floor. As you can imagine, this often leads to assorted awkward moments. I am by no means a germophobe, but I think there are several basic rules that should be adhered to whilst in a restroom. For example, most people know that you never touch the door handle with your hands--instead, you take the paper towel you used to wash your hands, deftly open the door, and then discard the paper towel on your way out. If this is not possible, you open the door with your forearm and foot, and run like the wind to avoid any of the germs sticking to you on the way out.

So one of the companies that we share our restroom with is a real estate company who shall remain nameless (but it rhymes with Bemax). My co-workers and I have witnessed numerous restroom fouls committed by the Bemax agents over the years, and today was no exception. I walk in, and hear someone talking from stall #3. This has been known to happen, and I assumed it would end quickly. As the talking continued, I quickly determined that it was one of the Bemax agents, and she was actually on the phone conducting a sale. She was going on and on about the sqare footage, number of bedrooms, and when the client could inspect the property. I felt that this was in poor form, and had I been on the other end of the phone, I would have wanted to know that my real estate agent was talking to me from a restroom stall. Because that's kind of gross. So I did what any rational person would do, and flushed my toilet repeatedly. This seemed to work as the Bemax agent started talking louder, and proceeded to exit her stall. However, she resumed her conversation near the sinks, so I flushed again. This finally worked, and she quickly exited, but did so without washing her hands. Which is also gross. I like to think that this was my good deed for the day, so if that client is reading this, you are welcome! And somewhere in blogland, I'm sure the Bemax agent is writing a blog about the weird lady who kept flushing the toilet in the stall next to her while she was conducting a very important real estate deal!

There's one in every congregation...

Most people know that Mormons usually pull our Sacrament Meeting speakers from within the ward – so the speakers are different every week, and sometimes craziness ensues. Especially in singles wards! Most of my meetings are very good, super spiritual and inspiring. Then there's the five moments I'm listing below. I'm calling them my Top Six Weirdest Singles Ward Moments.

In one of my wards at BYU, one of the speakers actually quoted Tupac in his talk. It was something about being a brotha. He also worked in a statement from Michael Jordan before finally quoting an actual church leader.

An engaged couple spoke in Sacrament Meeting. The girl got up to speak first, and during her talk mentioned something about her boyfriend at the time (who was not her fiance). That garnered a few chuckles from the bishopric, who gave a little look to her fiance. The audience chuckled a bit, but nothing too big – I mean, it wasn't that funny. Well, she completely stops her talk to find out what the bishopric was laughing at. After probably a full minute trying to figure out why people had laughed, she goes on with her talk and she just loses it. She starts doing the ugly cry, and her fiance had to come up and finish reading the scripture she was trying to read. She then spent at least three full minutes trying to gain composure. I could not even look at her – I felt so incredibly uncomfortable. And three minutes of just hearing someone sob is SO LONG. She then said, “I know you're not laughing at me, I'm just embarrassed.” I'M the one who's embarrassed! Well, as luck would have it, she was also doing the musical number right after her talk! She had to take a few moments – again – to gain her composure so that she could start singing and – finally – she could sit down. Amen!

Then there was the time one of the speakers in Sacrament Meeting asked us, in all seriousness, to consider whether we were conceived in lust or in love.

When the bishopric announces callings in the ward, they read the name over the pulpit and that person stands up so people can see 'em. Well, the executive secretary for the bishopric, who I should mention was over 30 years old at the time, thought it would be funny to have the bishopric member announce fake names over the pulpit, like “Dwight Shrute” and “Bruce Wayne.” Um, okay - except this same guy had already done this a year earlier – and a year before that. He didn't seem to realize that it's never funny and always inappropriate. Making it even worse was the fact that sitting on the stand that day was our stake president, Ellis Ivory of the Ivory homebuilders, and the Salt Lake temple president and his wife – who just happened to be the daughter of the president of the church. There were probably 20 fake names read that day. I was so embarrassed and actually angry. I mean, come on!

The bishopric took two hours with us one Sunday to discuss dating. No surprise, in a singles ward. What was surprising was that they actually showed an episode of Seinfeld to make their point. It even had a cuss word in it! I guess if the bishopric says it's okay...

The Four Horsemen of Death. We had this older man speak in Sacrament meeting, who will forever be seared in my memory. It was never announced who he was or why he was speaking to us. He started out by saying how attractive the ladies in the ward were, then pointing to one girl in the audience and commenting how lovely her hair was. Then he jumped straight into the meat of his talk: The Four Horsemen of Death. We have no idea where these Horsemen came from, as I have never before or since heard of them. In case you were wondering, they are:
Drugs
Alcohol
Pornography
Lying
The best part for me is that drugs and alcohol are two separate horsemen. And that lying is on equal footing with, for instance, drugs/alcohol/porn. Well, when he finally finished his talk, he'd used up almost all the time in our meeting. The guy giving the closing prayer gave the 2nd-fastest prayer I've heard in church: “Help us to avoid the four horsemen of death...amen.” Cue burst of laughter from the entire congregation.

I'm Awake Now

Forget coffee. The best, more surefire method of waking up in the morning is to get shampoo in your eyes.

Ruth's Diner is real good

Summer is my absolute favorite season, and one of the reasons why is patio, nee al fresco, dining. I don't feel that Summer is here until I make a trip up to Ruth's Diner. They have a great patio, delicious food, and live music on the weekends. Which is pretty much like my own house, but I don't have to cook. Ha! This weekend, I made my first trip up to Ruth's, and it was a delight.

On the way there, we had an exciting incident that could have turned into a shootout. So we're driving up there, and a guy on a bullet bike pulls up beside us. He of course turns to check us out, and then speeds away. As he's riding off, his shirt whips up to reveal a gun tucked into his belt! What in the world? We tried to chase him down to ask for his concealed weapons permit, but thought better of it as we got closer to him, as we realized that we could be gunned down by the random bullet bike guy.

We get to the restaurant, and got to have the true Ruth's experience by waiting almost an hour and a half to get in. But it was worth it as the food was pretty tasty. We also enjoyed the musical stylings of a female duo, one of whom had a VERY husky voice, so it was really like we had three singers for the price of two. My summer has now officially started, and I have two months of fun before it starts to snow!

Sweep the Leg, Johnny!

I was so excited for the Bachelorette last night. I have loved the extra long episodes this season and last night there were two of them . . . the regular episode and then the Men Tell All Episode, which is one of the highlights during the Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons. Not only was I excited to win my lunch bet with Melinda by successfully guessing Jeremy as the voted off bachelor (vs. her pick of Jesse), but the host, Chris Harrison was hilarious. I was laughing outloud at some of his comments, which always seems funny to me when I’m here watching by myself. Hands down my favorite clip from the show was an outtake with Chris Harrison and Deanna talking about our martial artist bachelor, Seann. It was a big thrill to see Seann’s mullet finally go halfway through the episodes. Chris was cracking me up talking about the mullet . . . all business in the front and a party in the back. Chris also asked if Seann was a haircut away from being a contender. I had been thinking the same thing. Not to mention Chris threw in a Karate Kid Cobra Kai (sp?) reference - which, Kristen, is another one of those movies that I watch all the time. Don’t get me started on Lucille and the Golf ‘n’ Stuff, which always seemed like a great place to go on a date! They need to give Chris more airtime so that we can see these little gems. I can’t wait until next week. Melinda - are we going double or nothing??? I am taking the longshot, Jesse. -Julie