Let's start with the GOOD.
A SNOWED INN CHRISTMAS (Lifetime).
Lifetime got Hot Andrew Walker away from Hallmark?? Lifetime? Well, it's true, and dare I say it, this is his best work and perhaps the best-looking he's been. Hot Andrew is a reporter, who is competing with a female reporter to write the most viral Christmas-themed story, But when they're snowed in in Indiana and have to stay at an inn together, well, let's just say the story isn't the only thing brewing.
Required Holiday Elements:
Ridiculous plot point: CHECK. The Inn is run by a couple who look suspiciously like Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Could it be???
Dumb boyfriend workaholic who shows up at exactly the wrong time: CHECK
Mistaken identity: not present
"Celebrity" co-stars: not present
Overall rating: 5/5. My favorite of the 2017 movies.
FOUR CHRISTMASES AND A WEDDING (Lifetime)
Required holiday elements:
Ridiculous plot point: None that I can remember.
Boyfriend who's a better business partner than boyfriend: CHECK
Mistaken identity: none present
"Celebrity" co-stars: CHECK: Judge Reinhold in a role I can't remember, and Night Court's Markie Post as the mother!
Overall rating: 4/5: I almost abandoned this one after the first 30 minutes, but I'm glad I stuck with it.
SWITCHED FOR CHRISTMAS (Hallmark)
Last year, I put Candace Cameron Bure on notice that I was just about done with her. So was I expecting a movie where she plays TWINS to be a good idea? I was not. And imagine my surprise when I realized this was just about my favorite Hallmark movie of the year. Well, you could've knocked me over with a turtledove's feather.Basic plot: Two Candace Cameron Bures as twins, one a corporate rock star and one a divorced teacher, who switch lives for Christmas and BOTH find romance.
Required holiday elements:
Ridiculous plot point: Um....the whole movie???
Big city exec learns to appreciate home-town charm: CHECK
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: CHECK
Mistaken identity: CHECK
"Celebrity" guest stars: not present
Overall rating: 4/5. BONUS: Filmed in Payson!!
 |
| Oh hey, Payson Main Street! Looks like the producers covered your sidewalks in fake snow but forgot about the green, leafy summer trees in the background. |
WITH LOVE, CHRISTMAS
A woman is paired on a Christmas project with a hot shot (emphasis on hot) coworker who hates Christmas! And she's also his Secret Santa, and he has no idea!
Required holiday elements:
Ridiculous plot point: can't remember one
"Celebrity" Guest stars: not present.
Overall rating: 4/5. This is a cute one.
A GIFT TO REMEMBER
In trying to describe this one, I couldn't remember (ironic) the name and referred to it as "the amnesia one." A woman runs into a hot guy on her bike, he goes into a coma while simultaneously his wallet washes down a drain. Who is he?? Can she figure it out without falling in love with him? (no)
Required holiday elements:
Mistaken identity: Oh Yeah
Ridiculous plot point: A landlord who loves to decorate for Christmas is a little over-the-top
Big city exec learns to appreciate home-town charm: not present
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: not present
"Celebrity" guest stars: not present
Overall: 4/5. I like the lead female a lot and the guy basically plays the perfect man.
Now for the MIDDLE of the crop (aka stuff I barely remember even watching).
THE CHRISTMAS COTTAGE
An interior designer comes home for a friend's wedding and is asked to renovate her family's old Christmas Cottage. Hometown boyfriend love ensues.
Required holiday elements:
Ridiculous plot point: Everyone who stays the night in the cottage has a love that lasts forever. Well, GUESS who gets snowed in!!
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: CHECK
Mistaken identity: not present
"Celebrity" guest stars: not present
Overall: 2.5/5. He's hot, she's kind of the worst.
THE CHRISTMAS CURE
I remember gushing about this one early on; now I can barely remember it.
Required holiday elements:
Mistaken identity: not present
Ridiculous plot point: can't remember one. Can't remember much of anything!
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: CHECK, and he's the handyman for the doctor's office.
"Celebrity" guest stars: Heck yes, it's Patrick Duffy, aka Bobby Ewing of Dallas!
Overall: 3/5. It's a cute one. Even if I can't remember it.
ENCHANTED CHRISTMAS
An interior designer comes home for a big job and is asked to renovate the old dance hall. "I don't dance," she says. Oh, but SHE WILL. Because her old dance partner is also back home!
Required holiday elements:
Ridiculous plot point: none that I remember
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: CHECK
Dumb boyfriend workaholic who shows up at exactly the wrong time: CHECK
Mistaken identity: not present
"Celebrity" guest stars: Chelsea Hightower of DWTS. Filmed in Midway, it also includes my least favorite, most grating local actress also seen in the Megaplex pre-roll.
 |
| Why are you in every local Christmas movie?? |
Overall: 2.5/5. Cute that the leads are married. She spends a lot of time being witchy in the movie.
THE WORST
WRAPPED UP IN CHRISTMAS
Congratulations, this is the worst movie of the year! And too bad, because it's totally star-studded. Tatiana Ali from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air stars as an ambitious mall executive (huh?) who has to close a Christmas-themed store that's underperforming. Helping out in the store is a struggling artist helping his aunt in the store WHILE moonlighting as the mall Santa.
Yep.
Required holiday elements:
Mistaken identity: CHECK. This smart mall exec has no idea he'll be affected by the store closing.
Ridiculous plot point: Did you hear that Tatiana Ali plays an ambitious mall executive? Also - that mall is the Provo Towne Center. With a few outdoor scenes shot at City Creek to make us believe it's fancier than it is.
Also:
 |
| The mall executive is earning enough to live in this giant house. |
 |
| We are supposed to believe that the her of the story is a great artist, and this is the portrait he drew of Tatiana Ali's niece. |
Reignite flame with home-town ex-boyfriend: not present
"Celebrity" guest stars: Buckle up. The Facts of Life's Kim Fields, A Different World's Jasmine Guy, the dad from the Wonder Years, the mom from Ferris Bueller (unrecognizable after all the plastic surgery!!), 227's Jackee Harry, and Geoffery the Butler, also from Fresh Prince!
Overall: 0/5. "I can't believe I watched the whole thing." Not even Lifetime bought this one, so Hallmark was like, OK.
Random Observations
- Hallmark cast an interracial couple!
- The only three acceptable careers for Hallmark ladies can only be marketers, interior designers, or bakers. (On second thought: also country inn owners)
- Take a drink every time someone looks at their cell phone and says "I have to take this."
- Take a drink every time a kiss is interrupted.
- Have you seen this SNL spoof?
