Rub a Dub Dub

One of the things I miss about the singles ward is watching the parade of back rubs in all of the meetings. The people in the family ward just don't have time for it, as they are busy chasing their children and frankly, most of them have given up at this point. But the singles know how to do it right! At any one time you can be surrounded by a variety of back rubs, with different patterns, angles and moves with high degrees of difficulty. A few years ago, there was a guy who would get his back rubbed by a different girl every week, so we would play, "Who's Rubbing *Breg Bith's Back?" and the weekly winner would get a small prize. That's not considered gambling at church, right? I hope not, because that's how I got the down payment for my car.

On Sunday, a new couple in my ward came to play! This was their second week at church, so nobody really knew much about them. Well, we do now! They have now been dubbed the inappropriate backrubbers, because boy howdy, it was awkward. They walked into Sunday School and of course sat on the front row so they that everyone could see them from all sides. The wife stated to rub her husband's back in a fairly normal manner. After about 5 minutes of this, she started to dib her elbows into him, and was kneading his back like a loaf of sourdough. This apparently was not good enough, because she then took BOTH hands, thrust them onto his shaved head, and proceeded to give him a deep tissue scalp massage. For 20 minutes. This combo went on for the entire 50 minutes! I kept waiting for her to brace her foot on the piano to really get some leverage. But, she was working really hard, so I tipped her on my way out.

*Name has been carefully changed to protect the skeezy guy.