Words I Dislike

This kitty has nothing to do with my post. But I don't think it likes the word "healthful," either.

This is probably something that only bothers me…but I have noticed a particular word pop up in all sorts of places of late: “healthful.” As in, “blueberries are a healthful snack.” I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Perhaps because we already have a word to describe a nutritious treat. Perhaps you’ve heard of it: “healthy.” Every time I read about something healthful, I want to scream, “Healthy! Healthy!” For the 26 years I’ve been alive, we have had healthy snacks, and now this “healthful” upstart comes in and just takes over. Which reminds me.

Here are some other words I dislike.
Moist
Caress
Bulge
Engorged
Penetration
Chunk
Lubricant
Lugnut

I Heart Online Banking

Jokingly I say that if I still have checks in my checkbook, then I must still have money in my account. I LOVE online banking and the BillPay abilities! Previously I would write a lot of checks, send them off in the mail, and pray that they make it before the deadline. Then I would logon to my account regularly to see what checks cleared when so that I could balance my money and make sure that I could cover everything. You know when you write someone a check, and it takes forever to cash it (I've been guilty of that too). I plan on the money being deducted one month and it surprisingly comes out another time. I love that I can schedule my bills to be paid whenever I want. The only checks I write now are to the Church and the hair/nail salon. If someone pays me for something, I can put it towards my credit card bill right away rather than waiting until the next billing cycle. And, along with that, the entire Bird clan all banks at the same bank. This makes it so handy when we owe each other money - for dinners together, group gifts, or other reimbursements. We can all easily transfer money online back and forth so that we stay straight with each other. If any of you would like to transfer money to our accounts as well, just let me know. -Julie

So . . . I Know You Know How to Scream

I love a good reality show and the summer can be a little slow with fresh stuff to watch. Kristen and Melinda love watching So You Think You Can Dance, so I thought I'd give it a try. It was hard to get through the audition shows . . . but I hung in there waiting for the show to start (I'm a trooper like that). Now that the season has started, and it is fun to watch the dancers learn a different style and routine each week. But, what I can't stand are the judges! They are absolutely ruining it for me. I cannot understand Mary Murphy. Last night, after a performance she started screaming . . . which apparently meant that she liked the routine. Her shrieky voice is killing me . . . like nails on a chalkboard. If Simon Cowell were judging her, she would be marked down for shouting. And, explain to me about this "Hot Tamale Train"?!? So far, I've heard dancers that have gotten first class, two tickets, a one-way ticket, moved to the caboose or be completely off track. Good or bad?

The other thing I don't get is how Nigel Lythgoe is qualified to be a judge of dance. He is the producer of the show, along with American Idol, so naturally that qualifies him to be a judge?!? He makes incredibly strange comments and I can't tell what they are based on. I didn't think it could happen, but these judges are more obnoxious than Paula Abdul!

Random Wednesday Thoughts

I had one of those "trying-to-figure-out-if-a-coworker-is-Mormon" conversations today. Some people you look at and you just know. For those who don't have that ready-Osmond glow, it's a little trickier to figure out. It started out innocently enough - this person asked me what summer vacations I had coming up. And what do I have coming up but a church history tour! So I said, "Well, I'm going to Nauvoo...Illinois." I threw in the "Illinois" after I panicked wondering "what if she doesn't know where Nauvoo is??" I needn't have worried though, because her next question was whether I'd been to Kirtland. It was one of those weird moments when you realize you're both the same religion and you suddenly have a lot more in common than you thought...

On another note, why is it that I will watch really bad movies on TV just because they happen to be on? Case in point: Entrapment, with Catherine Zeta-Jones and her aged love interest, Sean Connery. I saw it in the theaters and I know - it's not a good movie! But sure enough, it was on today and I found myself enthralled by Cat's slither through the laser beams in the museum to steal...whatever it is. A couple of weeks ago I stayed up waaayyy too late watching the Princess Diaries 2, of all things! There needs to be a support group for this. I'll bring the cookies.

Wasatch Back-You are my Everest!

So this weekend, I ran the Wasatch Back Relay with Brent, Kristen, Lilli and 8 other peeps. I was excited to test myself in this unique situation, but I was also genuinely worried that I might pass out on the side of the road. As I’ve mentioned at least 47 times, I am not a natural runner, no matter how hard I try. And I tried to train and be prepared for the race, but I quickly realized how ill prepared I was. However, it also turned out to be a pretty good time. Picture if you will spending 30 hours in a truck with five other people, getting out pretty much only to run up and down hills in the Wasatch Mountains, and using more Honey Buckets than you ever have in your life. It sounds cramped, but thanks to Tom LaPointe, of LaPointe Ford, Lincoln/Mercury, we were hooked up with two sweet trucks, so we traveled in style.

I won't get into a lot of the race logistics but basically, there are two cars of six and we leapfrog each other for 180-ish miles from Logan to Park City. Crazy, right? Each person runs three legs of 3-8 miles and your car is responsible for all of your care and feeding for the entire race. So we ended up driving one or two miles at a time, making sure each runner was sufficiently hydrated, or Shot Blok’d, or sunscreened or ibuprofened through the six legs in our car.

My first leg was at about 10:00 am on Friday. Kristen had already made her almost 7 mile leg look pretty effortless and as I started, I really wished I had a Red Bull or an illegal stimulant coarsing through my Camelback instead of water. So I got my tunes pumping, told the car I wanted to see them in a couple of miles and headed off for 5.6 miles. It was HOT. I had tried to practice running in the heat, but I was starting to steam from within. I had read up on the symptoms of heat stroke and found that it occurs when you stop sweating, get red and your internal temperature rises. Which basically means that I am experiencing heat stroke right now! So I’m running, and I can’t believe that I’m only halfway. It is so hot! But that’s when I realize that I can’t be the weak link on the team (although I’m sure I still was), so I keep running. Because I am a Rocky Mountain Thigh! This fear is what motivated me the whole time. I finally make it to the next exchange and mercifully passed off to Brent.

For the next several hours, we proceeded through northern Utah, and saw all kinds of beautiful places that I have never seen before. We finally pass off to truck #2, which was Lilli’s crew, and we got to prep for leg #2. This leg took me to lovely Morgan, and I started running a little after 9:00pm. Which meant that I got to wear a headlamp and reflective vest. So I’m looking foxy. But the cooler air was delightful! I got through this run pretty easily, and then we headed to North Summit High School to try our luck at sleeping. This was interesting. The grass was packed with people sprawled out in their sleeping bags, and the boys all tried to find a square of space to sleep inside. Kristen and I took the cab of the truck, which is when I wished I was a lot shorter. But it’s cool; I haven’t gotten to twist up like a pretzel since Kindergarten! A scant 2.5 hours later, we were awakened to find that darn speedy truck #2 was almost finished, and we had to hustle to our starting point to begin our final leg. As I started my final trek, I soon realized that this was going to be rough. Why is it so hot again? I didn’t end up feeling great during my run, and I just had nothing left in the old tank. By an absolute miracle, I finished, and I was thrilled to be done, and still in one piece.

We then headed to the finish line to watch the rest of the team bring it home. Lilli had the last leg, and had to run for 5 miles with no water. She was a trooper and finished fast. One day, I hope to grow up and be like her.

So, I got to know some great people, saw some neat scenery, and am amazed that I finished the race. Mostly though, I am proud to call myself a Rocky Mountain Thigh!

Wasatch Back: Were We Out of our Minds??

Memorandum

MemoTo: Everybody at Work
From: Melinda
Date: 6/18/2008
Re: Your Annoying Habits That Make Me Want to Slap You

Effective immediately, the following actions will not be tolerated: Using your speaker phone with your office door open for all to hear,

Failing to silence your cell phone, with the ringer set to “Let’s Get it On,”

Drinking your coffee whilst asking me a question, and then breathing your sick coffee breath on me.

Violating my personal space by sitting on my desk and then leaning in to show me something on my computer. We will never be such close friends.

Sitting on my desk to talk to me, and after cracking yourself up with an unfunny joke, spewing spittle on my screen. You are gross.

Employees who engage in the above mentioned activities will be put on probation and yelled at by me.